Weatherbound

This time of year, a lot of things happen to me, both body and soul. The negatives are that I fucking HATE butterflies (they creep me out) and ticks, my nose and eyes are itchy and runny because of allergies and I can’t go outside without sun screen or an umbrella because I refuse to get a tan. But the positives are that it is finally warm! I don’t have to wrap every inch of skin in wool and still freeze my ass off anymore. No, I get to wear that cute dress with those lovely shoes and eat ice cream while listening to the birds sing.

Spring does something to us. It’s like it brings out the people we really are. As if we have been mindless drones, asleep during winter and the people who have lived in the cold are useless copies that are now being stored away so that the real people can come out.

Everything lives again. Water flows, soft winds blow, flowers blossom. And all around me, people are enjoying themselves.

This Saturday it is the Swedish national holiday called Valborg and I am celebrating it on a blanket in the grass, drinking champagne and laughing with my friends. That is what it’s all about.

Are YOU happy?

Funny thing, happiness. It’s so fleeting.

I find that the universe has a very cruel sense of humor, because every single time that I come close to experiencing happiness, something comes along to ruin it. Usually physical pain. Which is just ridiculous.

But it’s true. Once during a summer holiday, I expressed how happy I was with the situation I was in and two minutes after, I stumbled and fell down a hill, ripping all ligaments from one of my feet and forcing me to use crutches for the rest of the summer.

Today, another painful punishment was given to me by the universe. One that I have received many times before and that might sound strange when I tell you, but it is true anguish. During a cold, I sneezed so that my neck went into a complete lockdown (torticollis). Now, it hurts to breathe, sit, stand and pretty much just exist. And since I obviously still have the cold, every time I sneeze, it feels like my neck is going to snap off.

This is not a good day for me. And I sucked ass at last night’s pole class.

This got me thinking about the concept of happiness and how we strive for it all our lives. But is it real? Is anyone ever allowed to be truly happy? Or is the only existing happiness the tiny glimpses we get now and then? And nothing more.

I mean, are YOU happy?