PoleClass on YouTube!

Hi all!

Starting today, I'm posting a series of poledance instruction videos for beginners on my YouTube channel.

The first class is all about gripping. Check it out by clicking the link below! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtPA0hXpc6E

Illness

There is always something wrong with me.

I had horrible neck lockdowns for about four years before I got help. I get migraines sometimes (not that often nowadays thankfully). I get awful menstrual cramps. My stomach gets sick from every single bug out there. I have a throat condition that causes a really painful pressure in my stomach every now and then. And I have allergies.

And, as you have seen if you follow me on Twitter, I found three lumps on my lower back yesterday, after having back pains for about two weeks.

If none of the conditions above are troubling me, than you can get your sweet as that I have a cold or have fallen and broken my ankle.

I am so sick and tired of never feeling good.

Of always having to be taken care of. Of always having to worry.

And right now, I am worried like crazy. In fact, I’m scared.

As most slightly hypochondriac people, I’m worried that the lumps on my lower back are cancer. That I have evil, ugly tumors destroying my body from the inside.

I just want to feel good.

But no, I have to skip tonight’s poledance class to hang out at the ER, since the local health care centre refused to give me an appointment before the middle of March. By then, I would have died from worrying.

Gothic

I love goth. I fucking love it.
The darkness, the erotica, the magic.

Sometimes it really bothers me that I can't be as alternative as I would like.
Some days I don't think about it, but other days I just hate every little detail about me that COULD make me look normal.

Look at Adora BatBrat. She is one of my favorite crazy goth people. And she's Swedish too, like me. She's a full blown goth every day. At work, at home, at her kid's school.

I hate to admit that I'm jealous, but I am.

OK, I am continuously updating my look so that it is slowly progressing towards my goal, but as long as I have a "normal" job I will never be able to fully look the way I want. And I like having a "normal" job. I don't know what "alternative" job I would take...burlesque dancer??

So, I guess I'll keep updating myself and keeping my mind on other things on those occations when I have to hide how I really look. I'll do that for as long as I can stand it. And when the day comes that I can no longer stay hidden...well, we'll see what happens then.

Dreams that make you angry

I love dreaming.

My dreams have always been like movies. Long, really detailed and always telling a story. And I remember everything about them when I wake up, which is pretty cool.
Well, it's ALMOST always pretty cool... Sometimes, I wish I didn't remember my dreams, because every now and then I wake up so angry and so annoyed.

I don't have nightmares anymore, they're rare. But the annoying dreams, they pop up from time to time and make me actually want to strangle somebody when I wake up. That's the downside of having very vidid dreams. You believe, even for a short while after you have woken up, that they actually happened.

You know how you sometimes dream that you are heading somewhere, but you never get there? Or when people who you love and who are awesome in real life behave like real jackasses in your dreams? Imagine those two things together, and you're getting close to the kind of annoying fucking dreams I have sometimes.

Like last night.
I woke up wanting to punch my boyfriend in the face because he had been the biggest jerk, the most annoying fucking moron ever in a dream where I was already struggling because I kept running up and down this enourmous building, never finding the place I was looking for. And yeah, wearing a bikini.

Fucking bullshit dream.