I have never been the kind of girl who has a full head of long, beautiful hair. My hair is thin and works best when it’s cut really short and just messed with. I did try though, a couple of times, to let my hair grow. When I was fourteen it was black and reached pretty far down on my back. But every single time that I have decided to let my hair grow, I have also decided to cut it off again, as soon as it got too long. Because I always realize that that kind of hair doesn’t fit me. And I don’t really like it. It’s too much work.
I have also never been a particularly feminine person. I’ve always loved video games, playing outside and getting dirty. Hanging out with my older brother was one of my favorite things as a child (and it still is from time to time). And my figure is not tiny and delicate.
As I got older and more aware of the state of things (here meaning the social construction of gender which takes place everywhere every day), it became more and more interesting for me to push and test the boundaries of being female. For a lot of people, both men and women, it is critical to portray classically stereotypical versions of femininity and masculinity. And that’s fine, as long as it’s what they really want AND they allow everyone else to break away from this if desired.
I always hated the color pink. It made me feel girlie and cute, which I hated. Until a couple of years ago my wardrobe consisted mostly of black clothes, which it in part still does, but lately I have been rediscovering the fun in color and being girlie sometimes. Nowadays, I love pink. It goes really well with all that black.
And the hair still continues to change. Like a mood ring surrounding my face. I guess I like the idea of not staying the same all the time. I have had every single hair color on the market. From pink and green to silver and white blond. It’s fun and it keeps people on their toes. Hairstyles have that same effect. People always notice when someone has changed their hair, especially if it is a dramatic change. Because it means they have to change the way they see that person.
About a month ago, I shaved my hair off. Not completely bald, I have a couple of millimeters left. A buzz cut. I had wanted to do that since high school, but never dared until now.
It’s a funny thing, having no hair. It makes a lot of everyday situations easier. Getting ready in the morning, going swimming, not having to color it, being outside when it’s raining. But it also means one major thing; I am now a woman without hair. In a lot of people’s eyes, those two things don’t go together at all.
I have always attracted curious by-passers with my crazy hairdo’s and colors, but when they look at me now, it’s not with eyes saying “Wow, she’s actually got green hair”, but with more of a difficulty to understand. I have no hair. For some reason that upsets people. Which in turn makes it very interesting for me to challenge their perception of what it is to be female and feminine.
I like being able to be both masculine and feminine in my looks, but being perceived as feminine without having any hair to work with is a fun challenge. Especially considering that, for a lot of people, femininity is in the hair. I’ll enjoy proving them wrong.
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